


Listen To Your Heart...Before You Tell Him Goodbye.

by sasha_dragon



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-19
Updated: 2011-10-19
Packaged: 2017-10-24 19:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasha_dragon/pseuds/sasha_dragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared can’t help but think how strange it is, that he only realized how much he loved Jensen until after he’d beat the crap out of him. A tale of getting together, but as far as Jensen was concerned he’d much rather been asked out for a coffee......oh and a special appearance by Dr Misha Collins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Listen To Your Heart...Before You Tell Him Goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction sad to say. These poor men who I’ve abused and bruised (sorry Jensen) are not in a relationship, and the cross roads demon still won’t let me have them. Even though I’m offering him the souls of the office staff I work with. (Look they’re all nearly new, none of them were using them much *G*)  
> Notes: Many moons ago I read this quote from Jensen, “I grew up playing sports so I do as much as they let me. But Jared is four inches taller than me and more devoted to the gym then I am, so if it ever came to a fight between us I’d let him have it.” And it started me thinking... never a good thing, what if they had a fight? What started as a ficlet ended up in this tale of angst, and getting together. As always many thanks goes to the stupendously awesome[info]bigj52 my beta, for her bravery in the face of my ramblings. Title borrowed from the Roxette song of the same name.
> 
> First posted on Live Journal on 26th February 2011.

****  
Jensen closed the door behind him. The house was quiet; in fact, it was too quiet. He’d been called into the studio to record some additional dialogue. Jensen had tried to beg off because of the state Jared was in, but due the episode airing in a couple of day’s time, it was a matter of urgency.  
Jared and Genevieve had just broken up a matter of weeks before their wedding and Jared was devastated. But no matter what Jensen or Jared’s family had tried, Jared was refusing to talk about what had caused the break-up.

Jensen was nursing his own broken heart; as far as the outside world was concerned, it was because of the breakdown of his relationship with Danni. Privately, it was due to Jared getting married. Danni and Jensen had been each other’s cover stories for a long time; she had her girlfriend and Jensen had Jared. Well, in a funny sort of a way he had Jared. Only in the sense he was head over heels in love with a straight guy.

Unfortunately, once Jared had announced his engagement, Jensen had fallen apart. Four years of being in love with his co-star, dealing with Jared’s relationship with Sandy and then Genevieve; it had taken nearly all of Jensen’s acting skills to prevent Jared from seeing his true feelings for him.  
Now he was committed to helping Jared through this break-up, being supportive, getting drunk with him, and listening to him ramble on about how Gen had been the one. All the while Jensen had felt his own heart being ripped to shreds inside his chest.  
Today should have been the day before Jared’s wedding. The house should’ve have been empty with them back in Texas. Instead, Jared was refusing to get dressed or showered. He sat forlornly on the couch with Sadie and Harley curled round his feet; offering their own form of doggy support. “Come on, Jay. Go get showered. How about you go for a run? You’ve hardly been outside since....” The words died away as Jared looked up at Jensen; he was pale, red eyed and blotchy from crying. His unwashed hair was lank and he needed a shave. All Jensen wanted to do was walk over, hug Jared and tell him it would be alright.

Jared sat and stared at Jensen for a while before replying, “Why? What’s the fucking point, man? God! I’m such a screw-up. You know what Gen said to me when we...” Jared’s eyes welled with tears and Jensen couldn’t stand it anymore. He walked over sat down, and pulled Jared into his arms and held on while the younger man cried, all the time muttering comforting nonsense. When Jared finally stopped crying, he sat up and looked sheepishly at his best friend “Dude, I think I got snot all over you.”

Jensen looked down and winced at the mess his shirt was in “Don’t worry, Jay. Look, you get cleaned up and I’ll get changed and when I get back from the studio how about we go and grab something to eat? A change of scenery will be good for you.” Jensen spoke gently to Jared as if dealing with a child. Jared looked down at the floor and bit his lip. When he looked up the Padalecki smile was there, a shadow of its former self but it was there.

Jensen got to his feet, and pulled Jared upright. Shit! Jared had gotten even bigger recently. Jensen had even said in an interview if they ever got into a fight he would let Jared win. Looking at Jared now, heartbroken and exhausted Jensen felt he could at least keep it to a draw. He pushed Jared in the direction of his bedroom, “And don’t forget to wash behind your ears.”

Jared turned back “Yes Mom.” For the first time in days Jared actually laughed as he walked towards the stairs and disappeared. Jensen stripped off his shirt, went to his room and grabbed the nearest clean shirt. He felt better about leaving Jared alone for a couple of hours. Jensen walked back out of his room and headed to the door. He grabbed his keys and mobile then looked at the weather. He didn’t want to go back to fetch a jacket so instead he grabbed one of Jared’s, or more precisely, one of Sam’s hoodies that Jared had ‘borrowed’.

“Jay, I’m just borrowing your hoody. Is that ok?” Jensen didn’t get an answer but he could hear the shower. Smiling, he left the house.

~*~*~*~*~*~

That had been three hours ago; the ADR had taken a little longer than Jensen had thought it would. He tried to get Jared on the phone but it kept going to the answering machine and Jared’s mobile kept going to voice mail. Jensen had been worried the whole time he drove back from the studio. What if Jared had done something stupid? Jensen tried to relax but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He turned into the street where they lived and was relieved that Jared’s car was still on the drive. Hopefully, it meant Jared was close by.

When Jensen let himself into the house, he had been disturbed at the quiet. The dogs were asleep on the couch; he went through the downstairs, switching lights on as he went. “Jay, where are you, dude? Sorry, it took longer than I thought. I don’t know about you but I could murder a steak.” As Jensen was speaking, his foot connected with something. It was an empty Tequila bottle. Shit! It looked like Jared had found the Bachelor party stash he’d put together.

Jensen felt sick; if Jared had found the booze then he would’ve found the other stuff. Pictures of Jared and Genevieve together, looking happy and there was the sappy DVD Jensen had made out of clips of them as _Sam_ and _Ruby_ , along with other home videos – all of it set to the most ‘chick flick’ music Jensen could find. The idea had been to embarrass the crap out of Jared at the start of the night and then they were off to the clubs in Vegas. Now it seemed like a bad joke.

Jensen walked slowly now. He found Jared curled up in the corner of the kitchen, hugging a second bottle of Tequila. Jared could normally hold his drink and was a fairly happy drunk, but under these circumstances, Jensen decided caution was the better part of valour.

“Jay.... talk to me, dude. What happened?” Clearly what had happened was Jared had found the stash, looked at the pictures and possibly the DVD and got drunk off his ass. Jensen approached him slowly, hoping that Jared was asleep and he could drag his heavy ass to bed and deal with the hangover in the morning.

Jensen and Dean shared a couple of things and crappy luck was one of them. As Jensen approached Jared’s eyes snapped open and the look he shot Jensen was pure ‘Sam going through demon blood withdrawal’. “Hey there, Jenny, did ya have a nice time?” The tone of voice was enough to make Jensen slow down. Fuck! What the hell was wrong? Jared normally wasn’t this aggressive.

“Come on, Jay, time for a lie down, huh? A little too much Tequila and not enough food, right? Come on, let’s sleep it off.” Jensen had gotten close enough to lightly touch Jared’s arm.

Jared snarled at Jensen, and Jensen backed up a little with a questioning look on his face, “Did ya have a good time putting all that shit together, hey Jenny? Bet you had a laugh with that fucking DVD, all the time you were screwing with my life. You’re supposed to be my best friend! How could you do that?” Jensen froze, Jared was rambling. What the fuck had he done to Jared or Genevieve to deserve this? He’d only ever been supportive, gotten out of the way when required. Jared was speaking again but it was muffled as he was using the kitchen cabinets to climb to his full height.

“Gen kept sayin’ ya always there. Whenever she turned round, there you were and you’re always borrowing my clothes. She really hates that.” Jensen thought, _Oh fuck! I’m standing here in his hoody_. While Jared was still swaying with his back to Jensen, Jensen quickly pulled the hoody off and threw it in the corner, hoping Jared was too drunk to notice.

“Nice try, Jenny, but I saw it.” Jared slurred, “Ya know I think it’s fucking time you left. Get out of my house! Tonight, Ackles or so help me God!” Jensen backed up as Jared swung round, his normally placid face contorted with a mixture of rage and pain; the next words were cracked and broken.

“She said I didn’t love her enough...that I was in love with someone else...how could she say that? Well, you’re out of here and I’m driving over to tell her you’re gone and maybe we can try again.”

Jensen’s heart was hammering in his chest. Genevieve thought Jared loved him? At any other time he would’ve danced round the kitchen but with Jared this drunk, he could kill someone or even himself. Jensen couldn’t allow him to do that. He lunged forward and grabbed Jared’s car keys. .

It was then Jensen knew he’d made a mistake grabbing the car keys; it just incensed Jared even more. The half-drunk bottle of Tequila in Jared’s hand smashed on the kitchen floor as he hurled himself straight at Jensen. He watched as Jared launched himself forward, the next few minutes felt as if the world had gone into slow motion.

Jensen knew he couldn’t get out of the way of Jared in time so he just braced for the impact. Jared’s muscular body slammed right into him, throwing him back into the kitchen cabinets; the work surface smashing into his back just above his kidneys, driving the air out of his lungs. Jared grabbed at Jensen’s shirt, dragging him forward. Thrusting his face right up to Jensen’s, he growled “Give me the fucking keys, Jen! Are you so desperate for my attention?”

Unable to catch his breath to respond, Jensen just shook his head, gripping the keys tighter. The next thing he knew Jared had drawn his fist back and a punch smashed into his mouth. Jensen’s mouth flooded with the coppery taste of blood as his lip split and fire bloomed across his cheek. He never saw the next punch coming. The first he knew of it, was when it felt as if a hammer had struck him in the ribs.

Jensen knew he couldn’t just take the abuse. He stamped down hard on Jared’s instep. Jared gasped, letting go and Jensen pushed hard, causing Jared to stumble. Jensen took the opportunity to dodge past him.

Jensen managed three steps before Jared caught his wrist in his massive hand. Jared gave a yell of triumph he had caught the hand his cars keys were in. Jensen gave a hiss of pain as Jared increased the pressure on his wrist. He could feel the bones grinding together. Jensen turned back to try and dislodge Jared. The pressure had caused Jensen to open his hand slightly, allowing Jared access to the keys. Jared let go of the wrist and grabbed the keys, pulling them free. Jensen yelled as the keys were dragged across his palm.

Jensen didn’t notice the trickle of blood through his fingers when he curled his hand closed. Jared began to head for the door. Jensen took a deep breath and grabbed Jared’s shoulder with his injured hand without thinking, groaning as pain flared up his arm.

Jared whirled round, snarling, pushing Jensen back with all his strength. Jensen was flung backwards and once more he struck the kitchen cabinets. This time it was the ones Jared had climbed up, the Tequila making the floor slippery. Jensen tried to stay upright but he crashed to the floor, landing on his right side. He was vaguely aware of stabbing pain in his hip. Jensen bit his lip, looking up as Jared towered over him. Jensen screwed his eyes shut, the pain rippling through his body was making him feel sick and the smell of Tequila wasn’t helping. He could hear Jared speaking. It sounded distorted as if coming from a distance, and he had to concentrate...

”Just stay the fuck down, Jensen. I don’t want to hurt you but if you try to stop me again, I will, so fucking help me.”

Jensen managed to suppress a laugh. Jared didn’t want to hurt him? Shit! It felt like he’d broken his jaw, his ribs were complaining, his back was on fire and it was then Jensen realized he was lying on the remains of the broken bottle. Well, at least Jared didn’t want to hurt him. That was ok, then. Jensen wanted nothing more than to just lie there and catch his breath but Jared was weaving his way towards the door.

Jensen rolled over and got to his knees; the movement brought tears to his eyes, and his right hand was burning where the cut had come into contact with the Tequila, but he had to stop Jared. Using the same cabinets as Jared had, he hauled himself painfully to his feet. Turning round, Jensen prepared to go after Jared. As he limped after his friend he remembered a conversation he’d had with Lou, their fight choreographer and stunt arranger. “Lou, if you were in a fight with Jared, how you would stop him?”

~*~*~*~  
Lou shot Jensen a bemused look, “With a bazooka, then a small nuclear missile. Why? You thinking of showing Jared who’s boss?”

Jensen shook his head, laughing, “Fuck no! I like my head attached, thank you. Seriously, if you had to what would you do?” Lou was used to this kind of question from Jensen; he took everything on board and used it when he was playing _Dean_ , especially if it came to a confrontation with _Sam_.

Lou looked thoughtful, “Well, with his height and weight advantage no way would you go toe-to-toe with the guy. If you wanted to end it quick, then a punch to the throat.” Jensen looked horrified as Lou smiled at him “But if you wanted to stop him without hurting him too badly, choke him out, put him to sleep. How you get behind the Sasquatch to do it is beyond me.” Then Lou showed Jensen how to perform a safe choke-out. The PA they used to practice on wasn’t exactly happy when they were finished but hell, he’d volunteered.

  
~*~*~*~  
Jared was slowly weaving his way towards the door. Jensen knew he had one shot at this; he drew in a deep breath and launched himself at Jared’s back. Jared stumbled forward with the unexpected attack as Jensen wrapped his arm around Jared’s throat and applied pressure like Lou had shown him. With the alcohol in Jared’s system and the lack of sleep, Jared was soon going limp. Jensen quickly released his hold. Lou had warned him that if you held on too long you risked brain damage. Jared crumpled to the floor with Jensen on top of him. He rolled off Jared’s prone form and laid breathing heavily for a few seconds before turning over to check Jared was ok.

“Oh please, dear God, don’t let me have killed your dumb ass.” Jensen nearly sobbed with relief when he heard the unmistakable sound of a Padalecki snore. Now all Jensen had to do was get Jared to bed. He wondered if he should take him to his room. Thinking about what had happened Jensen felt it was better to get Jared upstairs to his own room.

Jensen knelt over his friend’s sleeping form and raised his eyes to the stairs, “So, how to get Mount Padalecki upstairs? Shit, I’d give anything to be able to bamf like Cas about now. Well, it looks like it’s gonna be the hard way then.” With that, Jensen pulled Jared into a sitting position, and from there he hauled Jared into a fireman’s lift. Jensen struggled to his feet. He staggered to the stairs, and started to climb but with each step his hip throbbed and burnt. Jensen was aware his jeans were wet and he put it down to the Tequila.

He reached the top of the stairs, pausing to get his balance. Jensen turned towards Jared’s bedroom. Once in the room, Jensen deposited Jared on the bed, turning him on his side, concentrating on getting him comfortable. He took off his boots and managed to manhandle him out of his jeans, leaving the T-shirt on. Jensen threw the comforter over Jared, and then decided to get supplies.

Thinking he would be safe to leave Jared for a minute, Jensen hobbled his way down to the kitchen. He’d better clean the glass up in case Harley or Sadie trod on it. Once he was in the kitchen Jensen realized how bad it looked; there was a pool of tequila and blood on several surfaces. Jensen looked down at his hand. Shit! He hadn’t realized it was bleeding that badly. Then he looked at his palm. It seemed to have stopped bleeding; it was messy but it wouldn’t need stitches. Thank fuck for that, Jensen thought.

He walked to where they kept a dust pan and brush. He returned to the broken glass and kneeling down, he cleaned up what he could see. Jensen became aware of something sticking out of his jeans on his right hip. Without thinking he brushed at it, but it didn’t move. Cursing under his breath he gave it a sharp tug. It came free and with it came a jolt of pain. He swallowed hard and dropped the glass before painfully staggering back to his feet. He decided to close the kitchen door and finish up in the morning. Before he left the kitchen he grabbed a couple of bottles of water.

Jensen limped back through the house, turning off the lights, struggling back upstairs, his heart growing heavier with each step. Jensen had made the decision to leave in the morning before Jared had the chance to throw him out. But tonight he’d make sure Jared was going to be alright.

Jensen made it back into the bedroom, pausing to check that Jared was still fine. With that, he went into the bathroom. He opened the bathroom cabinet, grabbed some Tylenol and the trash can from the bathroom and went back to Jared.

Jensen eased himself down to the floor, hissing at the pull from his hip. He leant against the bed and waited for the inevitable. He didn’t have to wait long. Jared started to come round, looking disoriented and sick, just as Jensen knew he would, Jensen knelt up and brought the trash can with him. Jared met him half-way, clutching at the trash can while violently throwing up. When Jared was reduced to dry heaves Jensen quietly offered him a bottle of water to rinse out his mouth, and then he gave him some Tylenol to take. Jared smiled blearily at Jensen before slurring...”Thanks dude, you’re a life saver.” Then he collapsed back down and went back to sleep.

Jensen sighed, knowing full well he wouldn’t sleep tonight so he settled down to keep his lonely vigil over the man he loved who had just dismissed him from his life.

Jared woke slowly; his head was killing him, and what the fuck did he do last night? He remembered going into Jensen’s room to borrow, well, steal some shampoo when he spotted the box stashed under Jensen’s bed. Jared couldn’t help himself, he’d had to look in it and that’s when he found all the stuff Jensen had prepared for his bachelor party. After that and the Tequila, things had become a little hazy.

Jared slowly sat up and wished he hadn’t. His head felt like it was going to explode; he gingerly put his feet down and got off the bed, the change of altitude enough to get him lurching to the bathroom to puke again. After hugging the toilet for a while Jared slowly stood up and decided to have a shower.

Downstairs, Jensen was packing to leave. Once he realized Jared was waking up, Jensen had dragged himself back down to his room, and was getting ready to sneak out before Jared wanted another chat with him. Jensen felt like shit or worse yet, _Dean_ after a hunt. He ached all over and was pretty sure he had a black eye. His hand pulsed and his hip just wouldn’t stop throbbing, but he needed to get out of there quickly. Jensen flipped open his phone, fired off a text and then returned to his haphazard packing.

Less than twenty minutes after the text was sent, Misha arrived at the house. He tried the front door and found it was unlocked; he cautiously walked through the front door. He’d gotten Jensen’s text and immediately felt that something bad had happened. All it said was ‘Look after Jay for me, need to get away’.

If Jensen was bailing on Jared, then shit, they really were at the end of their days. Everyone on set knew how Jensen felt about Jared, the only person who didn’t was Jared. Several crew members had spoken to Jared after the split with Genevieve to get him to stop snarling at Jensen who was doing nothing but look after the big idiot.

That meant Misha had left his wife on what ought to have been Jared’s wedding day to see what the hell was going on. The house was silent. Misha was about to call out when he spotted blood on the floor. He followed the small spots of blood to the closed kitchen door; there was a bloody mark on it.

Misha slowly pushed the door open, fully expecting to find an outtake from the show. The first thing that hit him was the smell of tequila; the second thing was the kitchen looked like a war zone. There was broken glass on the floor and more blood mixed in with it. Looking round, Misha could almost picture someone pulling themselves upright as the blood seemed to climb the cabinets. To Misha’s untrained eye there didn’t appear to be arterial spray anywhere, but it was enough to worry the crap out of him. Then he spotted the dust pan. As he walked closer he saw a piece of glass with blood on it. Picking it up he muttered “What the fuck happened?”

Misha heard a bark and looked out of the window; the kids where playing outside. So, where the fuck were the dynamic duo? Misha retraced his steps; he was just about to try a door to what he presumed was Jensen’s room when he heard water - a shower. Misha bounded upstairs and burst into what had to be Jared’s room.

Misha breathed a sigh of relief; he’d been expecting to find one of the boys dead on the bed. Instead there was the unmistakeable smell of vomit. There was a discarded T-Shirt on the bed, and again there was the motif of the day - blood. Misha picked up the T-shirt, worried at the blood and then burst into the bathroom where Jared was taking a shower. Without thinking, Misha hurled the shower door open, thrust his arm into the shower and grabbed Jared by the shoulder. “Jared, is this your blood? Where are you hurt?”

“Jesus Christ, Misha! Personal space for the love of God! And what blood? What the hell are you on about?” Jared had spun round in shock at hearing Misha’s voice, making himself dizzy and he didn’t know where to put his hands to cover up. Misha just leaned round the cowering figure and turned the water off and pulled him out of the shower. Jared was pretty sure he’d never blushed so much in his life while Misha scrutinized him.

He was wrong; he blushed even harder when Misha grabbed his hand and just stood holding it. Misha stared intently round the bedroom, everything looked normal; no sign of Jensen’s corpse, so where was he? Then Misha saw something on the bed clothes. Still holding Jared’s hand he moved to the bed, Jared had no choice but to follow. Misha dropped the shirt on the bed and straightened the sheet out and there was a bloodstain on it. Misha touched it. It was dry and looked as if someone who’d been bleeding had leant against it for a long time.

“Jared, I’m going to ask you a simple question and I’d like a straight answer please. What the fuck did you do to Jensen last night?” Misha turned his face back to Jared

Jared felt like he was facing down _Castiel_ with those blue eyes boring right into his soul. “Nothing, I think. I don’t remember...” As he spoke, images began flickering through his mind...the keys...screaming at Jensen to get out...him falling on the broken bottle.

Misha watched Jared grow even paler and his eyes darted to the bedside table. Misha walked over to it. Jared’s keys were there and there appeared to be...Misha sighed. Damnit! More blood! Jared gave a strangled cry and nearly flattened Misha in his haste to get at some pants and he was babbling “Fuck, Misha! I got drunk and I was an asshole to Jensen... And, oh fuck! I hit him, I hit Jensen. I gotta find him and apologize.”

“Jared, slow down. He’s still here, his car is outside. Just how hard did you hit him? Look, never mind. Let’s find him and sort this out and I can get back to my wife and grovel for ruining Sunday.”

The two men left the bedroom. Misha grabbed a T-shirt for Jared and threw it at the back of his head, and Misha suspected it was going to be a long day. Jared freezing would piss Jensen off; he knew dealing with a hurt Jensen was tricky at any time. Dealing with a hurt Jensen while he was trying to look after the love of his damn life, would likely drive Misha to murder.

Jensen was finished with his packing; all he had to do was clean up a little. He couldn’t book into a hotel looking like he’d just stepped off set. Jensen stripped off his ruined shirts, groaning as the material was pulled over his bruised body. He’d stiffened up with sitting next to Jared all night; that was probably why his hip felt as if he’d bathed it in acid.

Jensen bent forward to pick up his clean clothes, gasping as a wave of dizziness and nausea swept over him. He stood back up, swaying slightly as the room swam in and out of focus. The bedroom door was flung open and Jared came charging in.

Two things happened simultaneously. Jared gave a shout of “Oh God, Jen!” On hearing that, Jensen turned round at the shout. Jared had thought Jensen’s back was the stuff of nightmares; it was starting to bruise and was covered in reds deepening to purple. Then Jared was exposed to the full extent of his drunken antics. Jensen’s face was bruised and his lip was split. His right side was a mess; his ribs looked as if he’d been hit with a sledge hammer. Jared felt sick as he remembered slamming his fist into those unprotected ribs. Then Jared saw Jensen’s jeans - the right hip was soaked in blood.

Jensen had turned quickly, making his dizziness worse; he was forced to step forward to keep his balance. Jared froze in place, Misha pushing past him, moving towards Jensen just as his knees buckled. Misha guided him to sit on the bed. “Jensen, come on, look at me. Breathe slowly, it’s alright.” Misha knelt in front of Jensen. He was pale, his freckles standing out; his eyes were shadowed with dark circles.

“Where are you hurt, Jensen?” Misha asked. Jared started to speak but Misha waved his hand impatiently in Jared’s direction. Jensen slowly picked up his right hand for Misha to inspect; it was wrapped in a handkerchief, “Fine, ok. Anywhere else?” Misha was trying to keep Jensen’s attention focused on him.

“I think I might have bruised my hip and ribs and I feel a bit sick.”

Without taking his eyes of Jensen Misha spoke to Jared, “Jared, come here and help me move Jensen. We’ve got to get his jeans off, and I need to see if he should to go to hospital.” On hearing that, Jensen shook his head and tried to stand up.

“No, I’m fine, just a bit bruised. Please, I’ll be fine. I’m sorry, Jared. I’ll be gone soon.” On hearing those broken words, Jared moved forward slowly, trying not to be hurt when Jensen flinched as he gently rested his hand on his shoulder.

“It’s ok, dude, you don’t have to go right away. You need to rest up a bit and let me return the favour from last night and look after you for a while.” Jared’s voice was low, riddled with pain and guilt, especially as Jensen was looking at him as if he’d offered him the world.

Misha interrupted the moment, “Jared, I think I know what the problem is. Get me some clean towels, a first-aid kit and if you have them...tweezers. Jensen, if I think you have to go to the hospital, promise me you’ll go without any trouble, right?” Jensen lowered his eyes and nodded.

Jared turned and walked away. As he left the room he heard Jensen’s voice and stopped. “Misha please, I can’t go to the E.R. They’ll know this wasn’t an accident and Jared will be in trouble.” Jared didn’t hear Misha’s low muttered response to the plea; instead, he went to get what Misha had asked for.

When he came back Misha was waiting for him. “Jared, let’s get one thing straight - I’m doing this for Jensen, not you. I think I know what this is about, and let me tell you, Genevieve was damn brave. She understood what was going on, and she let you go before you both got hurt.”

“There’s nothing going on. It’s just that Genevieve has a problem with Jensen and as much as I love the guy, well, Genevieve is the one I’m marrying.” Jared’s voice faded under Misha’s laser-blue eyes.

“Jared, will you just wake the fuck up! Genevieve doesn’t have a problem with Jensen, other than you’re in love with him and Jensen is crazy about you. The only person who doesn’t accept it is you. Now I’m not saying you are about to burst out of the closet singing ‘I am what I am’, but be honest with yourself. Is that why you went full _Winchester_ on his ass? You couldn’t deal so you resorted to beating the shit out of him.” Jared ran his fingers through his hair. Before he could deny it further Misha continued.

“Jared, the crew and I have watched you since the break-up and the way you’ve taken it out on Jensen. Last week I thought Lou was going to have the stunt guys beat the crap out of you after you spent the best part of a week treating Jensen like shit. Remember the fight scene between _Dean_ and _Sam_? You threw Jensen into the set so hard they reinforced it twice. “

Misha paused and drew breath “Right. We are going back in there and you are going to help me with a smile. And so help me, Jared, you make Jensen feel any worse than he does already, and I will call Kane and let him come over and see Jensen. Then it will just be a matter of whether you’ll be buried or cremated.”

Misha turned back, leaving Jared standing there. Jared took a deep breath and followed Misha back in the room. Jensen was where he had left him, his face shadowed with exhaustion. Misha was all business, laying the towels over the bed, opening the first-aid kit and checking its contents. “Tweezers please, Jared.”Jared shuffled with embarrassment - he had tweezers to pluck stray eyebrows, and he handed them over to Misha who busied himself wiping them with antiseptic.

When Misha was happy with the tweezers he spoke to Jared, “Right. I want you to help Jensen stand up and then get behind him because I’m going to take his jeans down and I think it will hurt a little. I bet you didn’t think you’d have two gorgeous men undressing you today, hey Jensen.” Jensen gave a wan smile as he moved to stand. Jared moved to his side and helped him, then moved behind Jensen as per Misha’s instruction.

“I think I saw this on one of Rosenbaum’s porn films.” Jared tried to give the proceedings a little humour as Misha knelt down, undoing Jensen’s belt and jeans.

“Right, on three, ok...one...two.” With that, Misha pulled sharply on the jeans. Jensen was plunged into an ocean of pain, feeling he was drowning as the jeans were pulled away from the cuts on his hip and the blood that had glued the jeans to his skin. Pulling the jeans down had caused fresh blood to well from the cuts. Jensen crumpled and Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen, preventing him from folding down on himself.

“Whoa Jen, come on, dude. Talk to me, please. Open your eyes; flutter your eyelashes. You’re scaring the shit out of me, man.” Jared was now supporting all of Jensen’s weight, his skin was cool, clammy, and Jensen was breathing fast and shallow.

“Come on, Jared, lie him down. I need to see if there is any more glass in the cuts. If there is I’ll have to remove it, or it’s the E.R.” Misha’s voice was sharp and commanding, spurring Jared into action.

Jared laid Jensen down on the bed, and helped Misha pull the jeans clear of his legs. Jared swallowed as he took in the damage to Jensen’s legs. Like the rest of him they were bruised, but his right hip was a mess. It was covered in dried blood and now there was fresh blood oozing from several cuts.

Misha took an antiseptic wipe from the first-aid kit, and gently wiped Jensen’s hip. Jensen’s breath stuttered and his eyes flickered open. “Misha, what are you doing? I’m fine. Just let me finish getting changed and I’ll be gone.” Jensen’s voice was faint and slurred. Jared looked at Misha with worry in his eyes.

“Jared, pull yourself together. Jensen could be going into shock. Hopefully there aren’t too many pieces still embedded. Fuck, he was lucky.”

Jared gave a humourless laugh, “Jesus, Misha, you call this lucky? I’ve beat the shit out of him, threw him out of his home, and you think he’s lucky.” Jared was feeling sorry for himself as he spoke, guilt and pain written clearly on his face.

“Well, he could have bled out while he was looking after you, so, pretty lucky, I guess.” Misha was looking right at Jared as he spoke, “After all, why should you care? And you’re going back to Genevieve? After I’ve cleaned him up I’ll take him back to mine, I don’t want him to go to a hotel like this. We should be out of your hair soon, Jared. Now are you going to help or just sit there and feel sorry for yourself?” Misha’s voice cracked out like a whip. Jared felt the words striking at his heart, tearing into him. “Jared, the wounded puppy might work on Jensen, but I’m an Angel...don’t forget I’m immune to all mortal weapons. I hate to do this to you, but you’re going to have to hold him still while I do this. It’s not going to be pleasant for any of us.”

Misha hated speaking to Jared like that but he didn’t have the time to hold his hand and tell him everything would be alright. Jensen wouldn’t have bled to death, but Jared needed to really look closely at what he’d done to Jensen, not just the physical beating, but the emotional beating he put Jensen though since the break-up. The worse part of it was Jensen would put up with it. Love was a real bitch when it came down to it, Misha thought.

Misha took a steadying breath and moved his hand to the first of the cuts. When he’d wiped Jensen’s hip he’d felt the glass in the cuts. It wasn’t as bad as he’d first thought; like he’d said, pure luck had been the key to keeping the damage to a minimum. With the blood wiped away Misha could see that three cuts still wept blood, these were the ones to check closely. He wiped the area once more and applied pressure. Jensen hissed and arched away from the gentle touches, and Jared bit his lip. How the hell could he keep Jensen still while Misha got the glass out?

Jared had an idea. He quickly climbed up on the bed and lay down beside Jensen, pulling him close. He wrapped his arms around the shivering body and Jensen buried his head against Jared’s chest. Jared put his leg over Jensen’s legs trapping them underneath his. Jared looked at Misha, “Do it.”

After that Jared wanted to just scream “Fuck this! We’re taking Jensen to the E.R. right the fuck now!” Misha probed at each of the cuts to check for glass. Jensen squirmed, writhed and fought in Jared’s arms. The worst part was the sounds Jensen was making - tiny breathy whimpers that occasionally escaped his tightly clamped lips.

Jared preferred when Jensen swore “Motherfuck...” Jensen growled out as Jared saw Misha grin in triumph as he pulled a sliver of glass free. Misha patted Jensen’s leg gently as he continued to work. Jared swallowed convulsively as he looked at the blood slowly tricking out of the reopened cut.

Then Jensen would go back to his quiet fight against the pain he had willingly submitted to just to keep Jared out of trouble. Jared could feel hands tightly fisted in his T-shirt, twisting and pulling, the muscles in the others man’s back taut and trembling with tension. Jensen was cold to the touch but there were beads of sweat running down his pale skin. Jared also felt his shirt dampening from tears being involuntarily shed by Jensen, and Jared felt helpless as to how to comfort him.

Misha took a break from his gruesome work and sat back, “Nearly done, Jensen. There wasn’t as much as I thought there’d be. Now just try and relax.”

Misha’s last comment had Jensen shake his head furiously, “Misha, where did ya learn to do this? Because if you paid for the lessons I’d want my money back....Holy fuck!” As Jensen’s breathy whisper rose sharply to a shout at the end, Misha sat back in triumph; another small piece of glass was gone.

Misha knelt back; he looked at Jared with a grim expression on his face, “In answer to your question - several years backpacking when doctors were very hard to find. You tend not to be squeamish about butchering yourself when it comes down to it.”

Jensen gave a faint smile at that, “Oh good. It’s nice to know I’m not the first person you’ve worked on Dr Collins.”

“True, but you are the first I can send a bill to. Right, we’re done. As I said there wasn’t too much glass, the worst cut should’ve been stitched. But you sat with it all night; I can probably butterfly it back together. The others I will butterfly and they will be fine. Is your Tetanus up to date? What am I asking? With our show that’s a given.” Misha stood up and motioned Jared to follow him.

Jared slowly let go of Jensen and got off the bed. He went over to Misha, “Now, I’ll finish up. When I’ve gone I want you to clean up the house and Jensen, not necessarily in that order. Give him plenty of fluids and try to keep him warm, except for where you are going to have to apply ice. That will be his ribs and face. Jared, watch for any increase in his temperature; don’t let him move around too much and that cut should hold together.”

Jared was hanging onto every word Misha said, “I don’t know how to thank you, man. He will be alright?” Misha regarded Jared closely.

“Like I said before, I did this for Jensen. Had it been my call he’d have been on his way to the E.R. so fast his head would’ve spun. He’s taken care of you for so long, Jared; it’s time for you to return the favour. Let him get some rest, and then you have to talk. If you don’t want him that’s fine, but please Jared, just break his heart once and for all, and let us pick up the pieces. As for the show, I’m pretty sure he will be able to work with you. Now the ball is in your court.”

Misha went to turn away from Jared, “I don’t know what to do, Misha. How will he ever forgive me?”

Misha smiled at the plaintive tone, “Jared, for such a highly intelligent man you can be extraordinarily stupid. Jensen will forgive you anything and don’t worry about losing a friend; something tells me Jensen will always be your friend.”

“What about you, Misha. How do you feel about me?”

“Jared, I don’t think anybody could hate you for long - smack you around the head for this, but hate you, no. All we want is for both of you to be happy, either with one another or finally being able to move on.”

“What do you mean move on? Is Jensen seeing someone?” Jared’s questions held the faintest tinge of jealousy.

“What does it matter, Jared? You’re not interested, remember? Now let’s go and put him back together, shall we?” Misha walked towards Jensen, smiling to himself as he went. Misha reached the bed and checked on Jensen, his eyes were closed and he was shivering.

Misha gently laid his hand on the other man’s shoulder; Jensen flinched and opened his eyes, nervousness clear in the green depths. “It’s alright, Jensen. Now I’m just going to patch the cuts up and I’ll be on my way.” Misha busied himself by cutting strips of surgical tape he could use as butterfly stitches. When he was ready Misha knelt closer to the bed. First of all he generously applied antiseptic cream, praying that it would be enough to stave off infection. Then he carefully applied the strips of surgical tape. Finally he covered the whole area with gauze and taped it down. Misha then turned his attention to Jensen’s injured hand. After treating it with antiseptic cream, he bandaged it, satisfied there was nothing more he could do he spoke.

“Jared, can you stop hovering and help me put Jensen to bed please? Jensen, you are going to let Jared look after you, no arguments. Also you are staying in bed and resting. If you really want to keep Jared out of trouble you need to let that hip heal as much as possible. I’m sure you will come up with a cover story for any visible bruising when we’re back on set.” Misha was in full Cas mode -stern, with a touch of compassion for dealing with Dean when he was being stubborn.

Jared joined Misha and allowed himself to be put to work. Misha indicated that Jared should pick Jensen up while he pulled back the bed clothes. Jared scooped Jensen up in his arms, trying to ignore how he felt in his arms, but he was well aware of the fact Jensen was almost naked. Then he became conscious of how cold he felt, along with the tremors running through his body. He looked at Jensen’s face and he noticed how his eyes were downcast and he appeared to be blushing. The flush on his face only accented the deepening bruises.

Jared was suddenly aware of being watched. He hadn’t realized that he’d been studying Jensen with such rapt attention when he looked up, startled at Misha’s soft cough. Misha was holding the bedclothes, waiting for Jared to put Jensen to bed. It was Jared’s turn to blush as he carefully laid him on the bed, “Hold on a second, Misha, I want to fetch something to help keep Jensen warm.”

With that, Jared ran out of the room, sprinting upstairs. He knew there was an old sweatshirt of his that Jensen loved to steal whenever he got the chance. It was worn and baggy, but the material was soft, due to repeated washing. Jared kept meaning to throw it out, but he’d always liked seeing Jensen wearing it round the house. As he grabbed the shirt he considered what he was thinking and slowed a little. His mind went back to when Genevieve had mentioned Jensen wearing his clothes, and he realized something. She only mentioned it after she tried to wear the same sweatshirt and Jared had found her another one to wear.

Jared froze. Could it be true? Was he in love with Jensen? He shook his head; no, it was a crush, nothing more. Taking a deep breath Jared ran back down to Jensen. He walked into the bedroom, the sweatshirt held tightly in his hand. Jensen spotted it and started to shake his head a little.

Misha was watching this drama with amusement. An entire argument was being held without the benefit of dialogue, as Jared huffed and narrowed his eyes offering the shirt. Jensen met his eyes with a steely set to his jaw, sparks flaring in green eyes. Jared tilted his head to one side, allowing his eyes to grow big and forlorn looking. Jensen made a valiant attempt at resisting the Jared’s use of puppy power, but succumbed with a sigh. Jared grinned and bounced over, happy with his victory.

Jensen tried to put the shirt on, but his battered body set up a litany of complaints. He couldn’t raise his arms high enough, and his ribs joined by feeling as if they had splintered in his chest. The rest of his bruises joined in because they didn’t want to miss the party.

Jared quietly took the shirt off Jensen and threaded his arms through the sleeves, and then very carefully he lifted Jensen’s arms while he pulled the shirt over his head. Jared carefully eased the shirt the rest of the way down Jensen’s body, concerned at Jensen’s loss of colour. “Hey Misha, can you pass that other pillow, so I can prop Jensen up a little? “ Misha quickly responded to Jared’s request, passing the pillow over, watching as Jared gently laid Jensen back against the pillows. Jensen’s eyes had closed, his breathing had become shallow, and Jared placed his hand on his forehead to check how hot he was.

“I’m not dying here, Padalecki. I’m just tired and everything aches, although I can’t imagine why.” With that, he opened his eyes as Jared shuffled uncomfortably.

Misha laughed a little, “Well Jared, I wish you all the best with your patient, and now I will go home before my beloved wife sends out a search party. I’ll see you two in a week’s time and I mean both of you. I don’t want to have to come here and perform a ‘salt and burn’.” Misha walked out of the bedroom with Jared following behind.

At the front door Misha turned round to look at his friend, “See you next week, Jay. Now just promise me whatever happens, don’t make any rash decisions that you’ll regret.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Misha.” Jared replied feeling once again like _Sam_ being studied by _Cas._

“Oh, I suspect you do. I’ll offer just one piece of advice to you. Listen to your heart.”

“What is that...Buddhist philosophy?”

“No...Roxette’s. Bye Jared, look after him.” Misha turned and walked out of the house.

Jared closed the door behind him, resting his forehead against the door. Now what? He sighed and turned round, looking upstairs as he did. Jared’s eyes widened in shock as he noticed the blood for the first time; half-way up the stairs he saw a bloody handprint on the wall. There was also a smear about hip level; Jared realized he couldn’t remember getting to bed, how had he gotten there? He’d have to ask Jensen.

Shit! Jensen! He dragged his fingers through his hair. Now what? Well, first of all he needed to get him something to drink and ice for his ribs. Jared walked to the kitchen, taking in the scene as he went. The spots of blood bore silent testament to Jensen’s injuries at his hands. He reached the kitchen door, saw the red mark there and swallowed, feeling sicker than ever. Taking his courage in both hands, Jared pushed open the door and stepped inside. The devastation within proved to be too much, and he just reached the sink before he threw up again. He stood running the tap, rinsing his mouth and wiping his face. He felt tears sting his eyes, “God, Jensen! How am I ever gonna put this right?” He closed his eyes, gathered himself together, and got to work.

Opening the fridge, Jared retrieved a bottle of _Gatorade_. Then he pulled open the freezer and grabbed a couple of bags of ice. Jared closed the freezer and set to work making ice packs for the man lying in bed. He was pretty good at that; with the show both of them were often covered in bruises so the freezer was always stocked with plenty of ice. He swiftly put together a couple of ice packs and put the excess ice back in the freezer for later; Jared looked round the kitchen and considered cleaning up.

He felt it could wait, and that Jensen was much more important than wiping the kitchen clean. As Jared walked back to Jensen’s room, a little voice inside his mind whispered to him, _“Oh yeah, he’s more important now. What about before? All those nights he sat and listened to you bleat on about a broken heart. Did you ever stop to see his pain? Well, you’ve got plenty of evidence now, Jared. After all, most of it is on the wall. How did you get upstairs again? Come on, you’re a smart boy. Figure it out.”_ Jared shook his head, and tried to quieten a nagging suspicion building in his gut.

He took a deep breath as he reached the door. He almost chickened out, but he knew it was time to face up to what he’d done; it was up to him to try and put it right. When he pushed the door open he was faced with what he’d done to Jensen; he was lying perfectly still with his eyes closed. Jared watched as Jensen seemed to be engaged in a silent battle with the pain he was in, attempting to will it away and shore up the defences that he had so brutally shattered.

“In or out, Jay, don’t hover.” Jensen’s hoarse whisper startled Jared as he was looking guiltily at Jensen. He was going to ask him what he meant by that comment, when he realized he was standing in the doorway of Jensen’s room.

Steeling himself, Jared walked into the room and approached the bed, placing the gatorade on the dressing table beside Jensen, “I’ll just get a couple of towels to wrap these in. I won’t be long.” Jared went to Jensen’s en-suite and soon emerged with the towels, and a bottle of Tylenol. Jared busied himself by wrapping ice packs in the towels. He handed one to Jensen to use on his face; Jared licked his lips unsure what to do next. In the past he would’ve just pulled the comforter down and slipped the ice pack under Jensen’s sweatshirt. Now he wasn’t sure how Jensen would react to being touched by him.

Jensen watched Jared’s internal debate; he sighed and held out his hand for the other ice pack. Jared gave him a sad little look. He was just about to hand it over when he straightened his back, “No, it’s ok. I got it if you don’t mind.” Jensen just nodded, never taking his eyes off Jared as he moved forward slowly. Jared moved with exaggerated care as if any sudden movement would cause Jensen to bolt from the bed.

Jared lowered the comforter and slowly slid the sweatshirt upwards, swallowing sickly at the sight of the bruising on Jensen’s ribs. He placed the ice over the worst of it, hearing Jensen gasp at the sudden cold; Jared pulled the sweatshirt down again and covered him back up.

“There, that wasn’t so bad, was it? I’m not gonna bite, Jared. Well, not for a while anyway. Are you ok? Do you want to talk? I’m a captive audience here.” Jensen was trying to smile, but the damage to his lip prevented him. Jensen felt apprehensive, so he went for Dean’s usual avoidance tactic of humour. Jared looked lost, his eyes darting everywhere rather than look at Jensen.

Jensen let his eyes slip closed; he was too tired to deal with this, but he knew they needed to talk...and soon. No matter what happened, they still had to work with one another. They had just been told they were doing Season Six, so it looked like it was up to him to pour oil on troubled waters. He could bury his own hurt, he was good at that, but Jensen knew that he and Jared needed to be able to be in the same room without looking as if they were going to kill one another.

Jared stood watching as Jensen closed his eyes, he looked so damn tired. He was sickened at what he’d done; he had no idea how to talk to Jensen about what had happened. What it meant for their friendship, if there even was a friendship to save after he’d been such a complete asshole. He couldn’t face the other man; he couldn’t stand the hurt and fear in his eyes, “Jensen, you get some rest, and I’ll go and clean up a little. I’ve left some Tylenol for you. I’ll be back to check on you soon.” Jared all but ran out of the room. Just as he closed the bedroom door he looked over to the bed, and he was sure he saw the glistening of tears on Jensen’s cheek.

Jared leant on the closed door, and shook himself; he needed to keep busy. The last thing he wanted was to sit and brood over what had happened. Again the traitorous voice in his head whispered, _“Of course, if you sit and think about Jensen, you’re gonna have to think about how you feel about him. How the hell are you gonna work with him, if you can’t even look the guy in the eye? Besides, do you really want to remember what you did last night?”_

Jared moved automatically to the kitchen, determined to at least clean up the one mess he was responsible for. He cleaned the kitchen like a man possessed, flinging open the window to get rid of the smell. He swept up the glass and mopped the floor, before attacking the bloodstains. As he cleaned, parts of the previous evening kept coming back to him. He saw Jensen’s face as he hit him, over and over, the look of shock and betrayal at Jared’s actions.

Jared gritted his teeth and cleaned more vigorously, moving onto the bloodstains in the hallway. Once he cleaned them off the floor, he returned to the kitchen and fetched a fresh bowl of hot water, detergent and some cloths then prepared to set about cleaning the bloodstains off the wall. He methodically worked his way upstairs, tracking the course of the blood; all the while he kept trying to remember how he’d gotten upstairs.

He shook himself; the memory would come when it was ready. Jared stood up and a wave of dizziness swept over him. He leant against the wall to steady himself. As he did his hand rested over the damp spot from where he’d cleaned Jensen’s bloodied handprint.

He gasped in shock as a flash of memory assaulted him; he sank back to his knees to stop himself pitching head first down the stairs. The memory was disjointed, and it consisted of a feeling of vertigo. He could see the stairs as he was being....oh god... he didn’t, did he?

Jared eased himself round so he was sitting on the stairs, and let his mind slowly fill in the blanks. It was more of the same, no coherent narrative but flashes of sensations. His body swaying as he was carried upstairs and the tilting of his room when Jensen had laid him down on his bed.

Jared stood and went back towards Jensen’s room, his hand lingering on the door handle. What could he say...? “Hi Jensen, you know after I beat the crap out of you last night, did you carry me upstairs and look after me?” His shoulders were hunched and thrummed with tension, he knew deep down that’s what had happened. He sighed and pushed himself away from the door.

Jared continued with his house cleaning, ending up in his room. He stripped his bed of the bloodstained sheets and picked up the T-shirt he’d worn yesterday. As he looked at it, another flash of memory struck when he saw the bloody mark on the shoulder of the shirt. Jensen grabbing him to try and stop him driving...Shit! He could’ve killed someone. What the fuck had he been thinking?

 _“Let’s see what you were thinking....ah yes! I need to get away from Jensen as quickly as possible, because he might just guess that there is something going on.”_ Again the voice hissed in his mind. Jared sank down on the bed. No! It wasn’t like that. He only saw Jensen as a friend; that was all. There was nothing else there.

 _“Could it be because guys are just there to be fucked? You don’t ever fall in love with one, do you, Jared? Come on, all those little experiments - college, L.A. and a few walks on the wild side in Vancouver. Funny how those particular guys all had freckles and green eyes, hey? I’m sure if you wait a few weeks then give good old Jen the puppy eyes, he’ll roll over and let you fuck him. The ultimate friends with benefits. After all, Jensen loves you so much he’d do anything for you. Even down to letting you treat him like a piece of meat. ”_

Jared fell back onto the bed, shaking his head. He curled up into a ball, his hands over his ears, trying to block out the voice of his conscience as it continued to taunt him. His mind whirled as the night before played on a loop - seeing Jensen hurt and bleeding, desperately trying to stop him hurting someone else. Finally Jared’s mind shut down as he fell into an exhausted slumber.

Jared was startled awake by a noise from downstairs; he got up and walked towards Jensen’s room. He could hear Harley and Sadie scratching at the door. As he got closer the dogs sat down and they threw back their heads and howled. The sound chilled Jared’s blood, goose bumps rose on his skin as he battled towards the door past the two dogs. The howling continued; its sound was mournful and spoke of a terrible loss.

Jared flung the door open, and his eyes went right to Jensen lying still on the bed. His heart stuttered. Jensen was so pale; his lips were tinged with blue. Jared ran in and knelt by the bed. Feeling a warm dampness beneath his knees, he looked down. To his horror he saw he was kneeling in an ever spreading pool of blood. Jared pulled back the bed clothes and choked back a scream, Jensen was covered in blood. It was then he realized the other man was no longer breathing. He shook Jensen desperately, trying to wake him. Finally Jared pulled the limp figure to his chest. He held the cool body tightly and he screamed one word. “Jensen!”

Jared jolted into a sitting position; he looked round his room, the feeling of devastating loss making his heart pound....“Jensen....Oh Fuck, Jensen!” With that, he leapt off his bed and ran downstairs.

Jared ran to the closed door of Jensen’s room, and without a second’s hesitation he burst through the door in an attempt to dispel the terrifying image of Jensen lying dead in his arms. Jared skidded to a halt by Jensen’s bed. His empty bed. Jared crumpled to his knees, his hands fisted into the sheets. He started to cry, unable to cope with the fact that Jensen was gone. It had only been a dream, right? Jensen wasn’t dead.... he’d driven him away. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? Where had he gone? Was he alright? But at this moment he didn’t have the strength to get up off his knees and get to a phone to try and track Jensen down.

Jensen had been in the bathroom when he’d heard the sound of Hurricane Padalecki hitting his room. He’d managed to drag himself to the bathroom, and was just steeling himself for the journey back. Then he’d seen Jared fall to his knees, and start to cry. Jensen’s ‘protect Jared’ instincts came fully online and, without considering the damage to his body he moved towards the kneeling figure.

As he tried to get a grip on himself Jared heard a noise behind him. He looked over his shoulder and got the shock of his life. Staggering out of the bathroom, with a look of grim determination on his pale features, was Jensen. Before Jared could move Jensen had made it over to him, dropped to his knees beside him and looked at him with concern. “Are you alright? Jay, what’s wrong, dude? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Jensen was worried by Jared’s lack of response, but there was no way he could get Jared to his feet. All he could do was stay by him.

Jared stared at him in shock, “You’re not dead! And what the fuck do you think you’re playing at? Shit, Jensen! What about your hip? You could bleed to death....up...we need to get you up...and back in bed.” Jensen was still trying to process Jared’s ‘you’re not dead’, when he found himself being lifted off the floor and placed with infinite care on the bed.

Jared was staring at him, looking so frightened that if he blinked he would disappear; Jensen shuffled under the scrutiny. Jared pulled the bedclothes over him and turned away. Jensen suddenly felt angry. Not only had Jared beaten the shit out of him, made him feel like crap and now the crack about being dead was just too much.

“Ok, just what the fuck, Padalecki? I mean, do you really want me out of your life that badly you were wishing I was dead? Christ Jared, all you had to do was ask Misha to take me with him. That’s it! Enough’s efuckingnough! You know what, screw Season Six! I’ll take the fallout. There’s no way I can carry on doing this anymore.” As he was speaking, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

The pain from his hip nearly sent him to his knees, but there was no way he could keep doing this - Jared had made it plain how he felt about him. He might have masochistic tendencies where Jared was concerned, but he was no Dean Winchester. There was a limit to what he’d do for the one he loved and he’d just reached it.

Jensen took a step and his leg decided to call a halt to the escape; Jensen felt himself falling as his leg refused to take his weight. Before he hit the floor Jared had spun round and grabbed him, tightly wrapping his arms around him. Jensen’s ribs began to protest at the treatment; he was just about to try and push Jared away when he looked up at him.

Jared’s face was pale and his eyes red from crying, Jensen stopped struggling. “Jay, what’s wrong? Come on, man, tell me! At least give me a clue before you break my ribs.” Jared’s eyes widened with horror, and the pressure lessened. The two men stood silently as Jensen waited for Jared to speak to him.

Jared adjusted his hold on the other man and spoke softly, “I think we need to talk, but I’d feel better if you were lying down. Misha threatened to call Kane earlier, and if you turn up at his, bleeding all over the place, Misha _will_ call him, then I don’t think there will be _anywhere_ I can hide from Kane.” With that, Jared helped Jensen back to bed.

He lowered Jensen down onto the bed, and reached for his hip; Jensen rested his hand on top of his. “Oh no, you don’t, you can check it later. You said you wanted to talk, Jared. Well, talk to me.”

Jared sat on the bed and looked down at the floor, trying to collect his thoughts. But all he kept seeing was Jensen covered in blood, and how he’d felt when he thought he’d lost him forever. Jared dragged his fingers through his hair, not knowing where to start. Then he looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

“Ok, just for the record, I didn’t wish you were dead. I just had a weird dream and I might have been slightly freaking out when you found me.” He turned and looked at Jensen, giving him a weak smile.

“I kinda suspected something was wrong, when I found you on your knees sobbing hysterically like a teenage girl after she found out Robert Pattinson was dating.” Jensen relaxed when Jared laughed a little at that.

“Err right. Put it like this – if they ever do another death scene for Dean, I think I have Sam’s grief motivation down.” Jared fell silent; he didn’t know what to say next, his eyes drifted over to Jensen. He was waiting patiently to listen to what he had to say. Jared took his courage in both hands.

“Just for the record I’m bi, I just tend not to make too big a deal of it.” Jared gave a nervous laugh, looking at Jensen again. Jensen looked stunned at the news, “Jen, speak to me please? You’re going for your ‘Dean having a silent communication with Cas’ look, and you know how it freaks me out.”

Jensen felt like he’d been punched, and boy, he knew exactly how that felt, but he managed to croak out, “Bi? Fuck, really? And you decided to tell me this now because?”

“Because I owe you an explanation for beating the crap out of you, and just generally being a total asshole for the last few weeks, that’s why.” Jared fell silent not sure how to continue.

“Ok, I get that part, and it’s one hell of a way to say sorry. But I still don’t get why you’re coming out to me now? You’ll have to forgive me being a little slow; blood loss will do that to you.” Jensen felt a little guilty at Jared’s devastated expression, but after what had happened in the last twenty four-hours he felt he owed him a little payback.

“How about I go back to the beginning? I’ve always found guys attractive and when I went to college, I experimented. You know - a few fumbles in dark rooms, drunken kisses and the like, but I always dated girls. Then after I left college to try acting, well, it just got easier - all the hot guys and easy fucks. They were just so simple to leave behind the next morning. Then came Sandy, and I thought I could settle down with a girl and we were happy. But you know - acting, the months of separation, and hey presto, single again.

I tried, Jensen, I really tried. You saw me with other girls, flirting, dating, having fun. What you didn’t see were the other guys. The usual thing - a dark bar, a few drinks, a fumble, but there was something missing. I needed more, and I just wasn’t getting the thrill anymore.”

Jared paused, wondering what to say next. Then Jensen spoke, “So I get it. Us guys are just fine for a fumble or a fuck but taking someone home to mama, they need to have tits and a girl’s name, right! Well, thanks, Jared, you’re really making me feel better. Is that what Genevieve’s problem with me was? Was I gonna be your last little experiment, and she didn’t take too fucking kindly to the idea? So when she kicked your ass into touch, you vented all your frustration on me. Jesus Fucking Christ, Jay! You’re supposed to be my friend. Just get the fuck out of here now! I’ll be gone in the morning and you two can have your white picket fence, and apple pie life. Don’t worry about the show. I’ll be a good big brother, and play my part, but you just stay the hell away from me.”

As Jensen had been speaking his voice was grown louder and louder. He sat forward, glaring at Jared. All the hurt and anger that had been building burst the dam that he’d built to protect himself. Finally he sank back down on the pillows; he felt dizzy, the room whirled and slipped out of focus.

He heard a soft voice calling him back. He concentrated hard and realized Jared was kneeling by the bed, holding his one hand tightly, the other was softly trailing through his hair. Before he could start screaming at Jared, he began to listen to what he was saying. Jared was talking rapidly, the words spilling out of him as if he could no longer contain them.

“You know you’re partly right about the experiment thing, Jen. You just got the roles the wrong way round.” Jensen froze hearing that, he decided to lie still. It seemed this was going to be the only way Jared was going to be able to talk.

“It happened so slowly, I never even noticed. I’d been denying how I felt for so long. When we started Season Four and you moved in here, it just felt so right. You’re my best friend and it’s been the best time of my life. I know the fans have gone on about us being together from almost the beginning, I just thought it was funny. I mean, I don’t fall in love with guys! Like you said - a fumble or a fuck. Hell, even Genevieve passed comment on how close we were.

Then you got hurt on set. It was a stupid fight, and the stuntman mis-timed his punch. When you hit the floor I went ballistic. You had no idea. After all, he’d knocked you out. It took Lou, Misha and a grip to get me off the guy. When I calmed down it scared the shit out of me. It was more than just a friend’s reaction; I’d been ready to kill him for hurting you.

They sent you home and I carried on filming, and as bad luck would have it Genevieve was there for a costume fitting. I did the only thing I could think of to prove to myself you meant nothing to me. I went right over to her and asked her out. She was so shocked. She thought that we were an item. I convinced her there was nothing going on, and that’s where the whole thing started from.” Jared went quiet, the fingers running through Jensen’s hair stilled, but he still held his hand tightly.

When Jared started to speak again his voice was softer and filled with sadness, “You know, I did such a great job of making everyone believe that me and Geni were the real deal, I even convinced myself. I think that’s when I proposed to her. I’m not saying I didn’t love her, but she was right - I just didn’t love her enough. Shit Jensen, what the fuck am I gonna do? How the hell did I screw up so fucking badly?” Jared’s eyes dropped to the floor.

Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand and he looked up, shocked, panic in his eyes when he realized that Jensen had heard everything he’d said. “I understand it, I really do. Jesus Jared, look at me. I’m gay but I’ve been ‘dating’ Danni for years. Hollywood still has no time for gay actors; you just did the only thing you could think of at the time. You ran straight at the nearest woman who would have you. Whatever happens next, all I can say is Genevieve did the right thing. Because, trust me when I tell you it’s really fucking hard living a lie. Just more people get hurt in the long run.” Jensen fell silent, and then a sad smile slowly appeared.

“But dude, I need to ask. Was it really necessary to beat the shit out of me? Couldn’t you have just asked me out for a coffee? Or was it a case of you only pull the pig tails of the girl you like?” There was a smirk playing on his face, but his eyes were serious. Jensen waited for Jared to answer him, “Come on, Jay. Tell me what the fuck I did to you, to make you turn me into a punch bag.”

Jared drew a shuddering breath, and he turned back to Jensen, his eyes filling with tears. He dashed at his eyes, trying to calm down. He looked at the floor and began to speak softly, “It was so stupid. I mean, dude, all you’ve ever done is want what’s best for me. You’ve put up with me moping about after me and Geni split. Shit, I seem to remember you sitting and eating ice cream with me at one point. Man, talk about a pair of girls.” Jared shook his head at the memory.

“Oh yeah and putting up with your lactose intolerance afterwards. Dude, you were rank, but what triggered last night? I know you when you get drunk. I usually stand more chance of being hugged to death, because you tend to get grabby. What changed?” Jensen knew he had to get to the bottom of Jared’s freak-out, because no matter what happened next they still had to work together.

“What can I say? Look, I remember after you left for the studio I went for a shower, found out that I’d ran out of shampoo and I admit, I snuck into your room to steal yours. I’d gotten the shampoo and as I was leaving I saw the box sticking out from under the bed. I knew you’d got something planned for the bachelor party. I couldn’t help myself. I guess I thought I’d be fine. I was just curious. I got the box out, and took it out to the lounge, started to look through it then I found the DVD and I put it on. As I watched it, I don’t know, I just started to get angry. Then I found the two bottles of Tequila in the box, and I started drinking and after that things got a little hazy.”

Jared paused; he was gathering together the snippets of the previous day - watching the DVD, looking at the photographs and then starting to drink. How angry he became with each swig from the bottle. “I think it was when I looked at the pictures and the DVD I got really angry, and the more I drank, the angrier I got.”

“But Jay, what the fuck made you so angry with me? I tried to stay out of yours and Genevieve’s way. What did I do to make you hate me so much?” There was a catch in Jensen’s voice as he asked the question. Jared looked up from the floor, startled at the tone in his voice.

“Hate you? Fuck! I wish I did hate you....it’s the opposite. I love you, Jensen. While I watched that damn DVD, and looked at the pictures, I realized it wasn’t Geni I wanted to be there, it was you. You walked into my life when we started Supernatural, and now I can’t imagine it without you. I got scared, then angry and even angrier with myself for falling for the last person I damn well should’ve. I was going to run to Genevieve and beg her to give us another shot, but deep down I knew it was a bad idea. Then you came back to the house...and fuck, I’m so sorry, Jen. You never deserved any of this shit. Listen, I’ll understand if you want to move out, and I’ll talk to my agent about dismantling the show.”

Jared stopped talking. There was nothing more he could say. How could he apologise for attacking the man lying on the bed? The man he professed to love? And how had he shown that love? By denying it and twisting it then finally, physically attacking Jensen. He didn’t even deserve his friendship let alone anything else.

“Why the hell would you want to dismantle the show? Listen, I’m prepared to work with you if can work with me. Jared, there is something I really need to know if we stand any chance of being friends. What do you feel about me?” Jensen’s soft voice washed over Jared, and he clung to the hope that Jensen wanted to work with him and they could be friends.

“What do I feel about you? I just told you I love you, and I’m really fucking sorry for hulking out on you.” Jared was confused by the question.

“No Jay, you don’t get it. I want a relationship not just a fuck in some dark alley. Don’t get me wrong. I can’t see us high kicking out of the closet any time soon, but I want a real relationship not just sex. I can’t do anything less. I wish I could, but I can’t do friends with benefits. Call me selfish and tell me I’m being a girl, but I’m sorry, that’s just the way it is.” Jensen looked at Jared; he was scared of what he’d just done. He’d bared his soul to Jared, now it was up to the other man what happened next. Jensen steeled himself for the answer. Perhaps it would be for the best if Jared was to reject him once and for all, because he really didn’t think he could take too many more beatings, either emotional or physical.

Jared’s heart raced. Was Jensen saying what he thought he was saying? That there was a chance for them? After everything he’d done to Jensen, he was still prepared to even consider giving them a chance.

“Jensen, believe me when I say this. I don’t ever want to go through anything like this again. I’ve been a fucking coward for too long. To be honest I would’ve been happy just for you to be my friend. As for a relationship - dude, I have no idea how to go about it with a guy, or even that you would be willing to take that kind of chance on me.” Jared lifted his eyes hopefully towards his friend...even possible lover.

Jensen couldn’t believe what was happening. Only a few hours ago he’d been getting ready to leave Jared’s life, and now Jared was telling him he loved him, and wanted to try and have a relationship with him. Jensen licked his lips, “Listen, Jared, if you’re serious it’s gonna be difficult. No public displays of affection. Ok, climbing me like a tree is pretty normal behaviour for you, but you do understand what you are committing to? Because Jared, the first time I even think you’re getting cold feet, I’m gone. Do you hear me? “Jensen’s voice was hard; he was giving Jared the chance to back out while they both still could.

Jared smiled tentatively at Jensen, “Jen, if you want you can call Kane to come over and see you, and he can kick my ass for what I’ve done, because fine, I deserve it. But I meant what I said. I’m in love with you, and I have been for a while. I just wish I could take back everything that’s happened, and I could’ve asked you out for that coffee, instead of spending the afternoon acting as scrub nurse for Dr. Collins.” Jared rubbed the back of his neck and looked away.

“Listen to me, Padalecki. I don’t need Kane to fight my battles for me....well, ok, maybe I do at the moment. But you ever pull this kind of shit again, and I’m hitting you with the nearest heavy object or shooting you. Remember dude, I have a nerf gun and I ain’t afraid to use it. I mean it, Jared. This was a one-time event. If I even think you’re about to use me for boxing training again, I’m gone. I don’t really see myself as a battered boyfriend.” Jensen shifted slightly, wincing as his muscles and bruises began to protest at their latest mistreatment by him.

Jared suddenly sprang to his feet, “Shit Jen, I gotta look at your hip. What if it’s bleeding again? If it is then we are going straight to the E.R.” Jared moved towards the bed and carefully pulled the gauze away from Jensen’s hip. He flinched when he saw the cuts.

“I’m ok. I’m not gonna bleed out here, Jay, but is there any chance of me getting some rest anytime soon? Only because I didn’t sleep much last night and you look like shit, dude. I think you could do with some sleep as well.” Jared re-covered the cuts and rolled his eyes. Typical Jensen, lying there, beat to hell and he was worried that he looked tired because of the hangover from hell.

“I’m fine and it’s impossible that I look anything but gorgeous. Now why don’t you get some rest and I’ll finish cleaning up?” With that, Jared stood up and went to leave.

“How about you stay here and get some sleep, and then you can clean up later? I don’t really feel like being alone at the moment, if you don’t mind.” Jensen was hesitant as he made the request for Jared to stay.

He turned back and moved closer to the bed. He was just about to get the chair from the corner when Jensen patted the bed beside him. “Are you sure, Jen? What if I hurt you?”

“Jay, get your ass on this bed. I know you’re not gonna hurt me again. Knowing you you’ll figure out a way to levitate so you don’t squash me. Now sit.”

Jared sat down then Jensen pulled at his shoulder until he lay down, stiff and unsure. Jensen just sighed and moved closer to him, “What are you doing?” Jared squeaked nervously at Jensen.

“Relax, Jay. I’m cold and I’m just sneaking over to steal body heat. Your virtue is perfectly safe with me.”

“Shame that.” Jared muttered.

“Whoa there, Casanova. How about that coffee first? What did you mean about relationships with a guy? How do you usually go about dating a girl?”Jensen slowly turned towards Jared.

“Oh, that’s easy. I take her out to eat a few times, buy her flowers or chocolates - the usual romantic crap. Go to the cinema, see a chick flick or two then I move in and fuck her senseless.” Jared grinned as he spoke.

Jensen’s mouth went dry at the prospect of the last part of the Jared Padalecki romance master plan. He licked his lips as he managed to gather his thoughts. “Right then. The meals sound great, although I’m just as happy sitting in a bar watching a football game. I’m not a big fan of flowers, they give me hay fever, and as for films, I go for action films and westerns. But I can’t really fault the last part of your plan. To be honest there isn’t much difference between a relationship with a man or a woman. The thing that matters most is do you love the person you’re with? I do promise to never chew you a new one for leaving the seat up, or ask if my ass looks big in these jeans.”

Jared grinned back, “I promise your ass could never look big in anything.”

“So you have been checking me out! Why Padalecki, you sly dog......” Just then Jensen yawned and he felt every single second of his thirty-two years and then some. He was trying to get comfortable when he felt Jared’s hands on him. He stiffened for a second then relaxed when he realized that Jared was slipping his arm beneath his body. Jared pulled him closer gently so that his head was resting on Jared’s shoulder.

Jensen closed his eyes and wondered if this was all some fucked-up dream. Perhaps he’d hit his head last night during his fight with Jared and he’d wake up on the kitchen floor. He’d always dreamt of just lying in Jared’s arms and now here he was. He started to laugh softly to himself.

“What’s so funny, Jen?” Jared turned his head to see what Jensen could find so funny after what had happened.

“Oh nothing. I’m just waiting to wake up and find all this was a dream. I mean, come on! Only we could find a way of getting together after you thought I was The Monster of the Week! Remind me to be more sympathetic to the stunt guys in the future when you start swinging. I’d still prefer the more traditional approach to being asked out though. Somehow I pictured getting you in bed would be a little more romantic, but hell, it’s something to tell the grandkids.” Jensen froze and swore under his breath. Shit! Great! Now he’d definitely scared Jared off.

Jared couldn’t believe what he’d just heard - they had a future together! Jensen actually saw them having a future together! He looked into Jensen’s eyes and smiled reassuringly, “Hold on there, cowboy. Can we go through the fucking in every room and on every flat surface first, before we have kids? I’d kinda like to keep you all to myself for a little while first.” Jared gently reached forward and stroked Jensen’s cheek.

“Jen, I’m scared. What if I fuck up again? Where do we go from here?” Jared looked at him as if he held the answers to all the mysteries in the world.

Jensen moved his right hand up and rested it over Jared’s heart, “Jay, there are no guarantees that we both won’t fuck up. But whatever happens now, I’m sure we’ll figure it out together.”

 


End file.
